Straight A's - The Auffice

30 Oct, 2024

Straight A’s

neurocon

This entry is part 11 of 14 in the series neurocon

Also when I got to my friends house, I met my her 4 children. 2 of which are autistic. I listened to their family dynamic- heard the misunderstandings and miscommunications… Friend- I understand your daughter perfectly. She means THIS. Another big part of my clue was having a big fire. I got burned really, REALLY badly. I absolutely should have gone to the hospital but I do not do doctors unless I am birthing or dying. I am a diligent wound caretaker because of that. So at some point when I was changing 3rd degree burn wraps twice daily, I realized… yeah that probably should hurt. It was only then I realized, not much does hurt…

The kids have a case manager care coordinator person come to the house occasionally. Yada yada yada- I took the tests, congratulations its the tism. And I am a high achiever on those tests too lol. Its kind of funny. Straight A’s again. And now that I know what autism actually ISSSS- well it’s hysterical that it was missed for so long. Like I said, business Cindy was fire. So now I know. That changed everything, of course it was not a REAL diagnosis as she is not my doctor, nor do I have insurance or even ID lol. But I knew.

It takes and average of 3.5 years to get an adult autism diagnosis with a cost up to $5000 out of pocket. In the US, no support is available until this is accomplished.

My ex husband has never answered me. Still. He didn’t answer the court mediators calls, and the wife very righteously told me, as I sat on my childrens front porch, through the ring thing- “yeah and he’s not gonna”. I know she thinks she is protecting them from something. I can’t totally hate her for her ignorance, even though a simple Google search would pull up a thousand facts about why their refusal to communicate with me is bad for the kids and also illegal- BUT I guess that is very autistic of me. Knowing facts and other such nonsense.

How Very Autistic Of Me

I KNOW my kids don’t need the additional trauma of us fighting it out or going to court, having to talk to a kid lawyer, dealing with trauma under those pressures and environment. They need us three to all get along like mf champs. What’s worse- THEY need to be evaluated for mf Autism. I know what it is. I know how they think. I do not BLAME their father for having no idea because I sure didn’t. But now that I do know, something has to be done! Look what can happen if NOT!! Their mom matters in the very least because their genetics do.

I thought- if he could hear all this- he would understand. He would be willing to be friendly. Friggin yell at me even or SOMEthing. I have been entirely unsuccessful at breaking him. Zero reply 🙁

Recovery

At the same time as I went through the physical and mental recovery of narcissistic abuse, I went through the research and then mourning period about my non diagnosis. As we (late diagnosed people) all say- I had to re-remember every event of my life. I had to sleep. I found out that my heart does not in fact pound 24 hours a day. It is calm sometimes. I had to read. Write. Learn.

If you have experienced abuse- I recommend reading as much as possible. While watching videos of similar experiences and joining facebook groups can be helpful and validating- try not to get stuck in that place for too long and move on to *WHY YOU WERE A VICTIM AND HOW TO FIX THAT.*

Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome Recovery

“Engage in activities that nurture your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. This can include exercise, meditation, spending time in nature, pursuing hobbies, and connecting with supportive friends and family members.”

For me, while battling for a place to sleep, and battling for access to my children and looking for help and resources… this was not possible. I am LUCKY to be where I am mentally right now. I am grateful to those that sent me books and resources in the mail. I am grateful to those that let me “cave” and hide and sleep, and ignored the sound of my scream crying.

WHY neurodivergent people are more susceptible to relationship abuse

Late Diagnosis & Burnout Recovery

What strategies can people prevent and recover from autistic burnout?

Reducing sensory input and overload (e.g., wearing noise-cancelling headphones or sunglasses).

Social avoidance and withdrawal from unnecessary interpersonal communication.

Having a good support network of family, friends, peers, and colleagues at work or school.

Controlling factors in the environment where possible (e.g., working from home, removing fluorescent lights, or having a sensory-friendly space to retreat to).

Asking for reasonable and appropriate accommodations at work, school, or home (e.g., reduced working hours, modified schoolwork, staying in one’s bedroom during a noisy party).

Slowly resuming normal activities after a period of burnout to avoid recurrence.¹

Increased awareness and acceptance in society to reduce the need for masking and improve supports for autistic people.

It is very important to take enough time to rest.

Using energy management techniques (e.g., ‘spoon theory’ or ‘energy accounting’) to plan and pace daily activities and demands.

Self-advocacy – setting firm boundaries and saying no to activities that will drain one’s energy.

Maintaining routines and planning for expected changes (e.g., transition to high school).

Engaging in favourite activities and special interests (keeping in mind that hyperfocusing on special interests can sometimes contribute to autistic burnout if they interfere with sleep or regular meals).

Improving self-awareness of personal limits and recognising the warning signs of burnout (e.g., more frequent meltdowns or shutdowns, irritability, and fatigue).

I kept calling and texting my children and ex husband through it all of it. At first I thought I needed to explain that I was safe for the kids- maybe he thought I was not? Maybe he would like to go to a counselor with me…I thought for sure he would want the kids to have their mom. I just didn’t know why he was not answering me. In order to know what fear to ease… I recognized that my parents BOTH most likely, had also been autistic. My mama went through the SAME exact thing as me. Freaked out all the time. That was my core memory of her. I know how I interpreted that. I know how my children will. I learned about generational cycles. I learned about MY OWN HUMAN NEEDS!

Stress Is NOT Physically Painful!

I learned that stress does NOT feel like that. Not for everyone. And I Learned that I am not bad for needing different things. I learned that I have the power to STOP THIS CYCLE in my family, and prevent my children from going through all of these feelings. My mama did try- and my very strong willed ways overpowered her into giving up. So I KNEW I would never, ever let my personal pain- missing them- my shame and guilt for what I did to them- I would never let ANY of it stop me. I’m the only one who can stop this from repeating again.

Get this- my ex husbands mama- left him. His dad- mama left. Grampa mf tooooo! His NEW wife? Yup mama left. So. You do not have to be a pattern recognition specialist to see it. You just have to be strong enough to not let the pain stop you from fixing it.