But I STILL wasn’t down. I knew if I took the tax return money and got an apartment, without an income- I would run out very soon and be in the same boat all over again very soon. 2 years post Covid rental market and no job and not a full year of self employ…well it was NOT easy to just break into on hopes and dreams. I couldn’t even complete the application. I decided to rent a small store, for much cheaper than an apartment would have been, and without the same applications. I could put my website store into a good location brick and mortar, for a very cheap rent, and I would just sleep in the store (there was a basement/storage room that I turned into a perfectly good sleeping spot). I would run out of tax money much slower, while giving the business a better opportunity for faster growth, and be back to normal before no time. I rented the truck and drove it all by myself and lifted a freezer on my back that moving day! I did a lot of really hard things all alone.

Luci stopped replying to my texts by now. Gia replied, but both of us still unable to talk about everything SHE endured the year prior because of me- it was all courtesies and politeness. And she did not want to come see the store. Nico was too young to have a phone still, and went through different social media names as he forgot passwords lol. I could only talk to him if one of the girls gave him their phone…

I REALLY thought it wouldn’t be very long. All I needed was a thousand or so. I’d get a crapper car first. Then I could drive to THEM and wouldn’t have to ask them to come. So I busted ASSSSS in that store and it was lovely for the month it was alive. It would have done really well. But as narcs do- he came to the store. And things started to be mysterious. A piece of firewood came through the front window at 4am one morning. The landlord started being mysteriously nasty and sarcastic with me. Huffy with his chest and posture. I found out much afterwards that it was the narc. Broken window and telling the landlord lies about me and even befriending the landlords FRIENDS. It wasn’t long before I was kicked out of the store. He said be out by Friday.

I tried to fight it there are eviction laws!He said there was illegal activity. I do NOT illegal sir!! I EXTRA do not illegal. Again I found myself looking for a lawyer. Without replies at least in time. And now I really had no where to go. Not even an abandoned last resort or store basement or sister. So he had me then. He mostly kept me in the car.

We got a house painting job almost immediately after leaving the store. We slept at the beach and went to paint the house all day for 2 weeks. House painting jobs pay plenty I would 100% be able to get homed with my half. And I needed to fill out the applications with a JOB. So I made a proper business out of his side hustle. I made a website, google pages, and started to bring in estimate requests.

That was through June 22. July 22, two days after we received payment for the house- was the first time he abandoned me in the middle of nowhere for a week. The first time it was a small beach off the side of the thruway. I had a bathing suit on. It was 95 degrees that week and I was there for 5 days. I built a shelter out of driftwood. Literally. I was actually really proud of the shelter. It was hot so the lake water was green. and I could not go in it or drink it. I made a sundial out of beach rocks… a well organized rainbow that I think was pretty accurate. I looked like cast away at the end. Burnt to a crisp.

My option to leave was walking barefooted on the thruway pavement in a bathing suit STILL in 95 degrees… but probably hotter on the blacktop. I was gonna have to be real close to dead before making that choice. He came back before I was dead with food and cigarettes and a bunch of paperwork his mother had written up saying I am not entitled to the house painting money. A receipt to sign for the 500 he handed me. I refused to sign at first. He left me there again. Came back the next day. And I signed.

For the next few months I really went downhill. I would compare myself to a pile of mashed potatoes- walking when told to walk. Laying down under blankets in the back seat of his car while he worked so nobody would see me. Hed get in trouble at work if they saw me in the car…. getting fed sporadically, tationed cigarettes and food based on his mood. HE TOOK CARE OF me I should be grateful.

I was abandoned a few more times over the next 4 months, and the last time was in the snow, in downtown Rochester. My father died. (both parents same year as ALLLLLL of this) and I hadn’t spoken to him in longer than my mom. The narc being the great guy he was, invited many people we know to come out and support me that night. We saw a band we know play. Many people did show up. Thankfully, because midway through the night he had disappeared and was not seen again for a week. I was dancing sock-footed at the time, all my stuff was in the car- so I was without shoes too.

I got a ride from the last friend left at the bar at 4am, and slept at their house. I felt like a little kid lost in the grocery store… except staying still is no good bc nobody is coming, there’s no one to call, and time runs out. I called my sister the next day. Idc I will go to your scary house I have to do SOMEthing to get away from him. Please help me. She did- kindof- she picked me up and brought me to her house but made it well known that there is a time limit for me to “figure out what I’m gonna do”, all while she is making funeral arrangements on the phone for our father.

Well I did not know wtf to do so I called Dss, and was able to get shelter because it was cold. At a motel. 5 minutes from the narcs boat. And as narcs do- he came back. I lasted in that motel until March when I called for a rescue.